This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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