I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
