I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Farmville is her only friend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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