My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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