He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
