I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
