Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
