My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You ate ashes out of my bong
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
