Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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