Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We don't watch enough power rangers
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
