New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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