If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
