i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
