then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
