you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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