A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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