Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
