Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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