im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
