I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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