why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
