We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
