my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
