i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
