If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
