yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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