we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
