Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
