my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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