I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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