I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
