I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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