You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
