I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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