his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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