I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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