From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
