don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
