Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
