She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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