So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
