She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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