Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
