I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
