Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
North Korea, Best Korea!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
