yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sober January is a disaster.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
