her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
do nipples grow back?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
