I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
