and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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