Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
