Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
