Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
